"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

"I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!"

"What's another word for Thesaurus?"

"I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open."

"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'"

"It is feeling and force of imagination that make us eloquent."

"It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him."

"Leave no stone unturned."

"The best way to get approval is not to need it."

"I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains."

"This hath not offended the king."